7 Things I Learned About Matchmaking From Watching The Bachelor

by | Sep 24, 2018

Sometimes love finds you when it’s good and ready, and other times you stumble into it at the most inconvenient times. Finding love can be impossible … or it can happen in an instant … or, if you’re pretty and sexy and put together a decent audition tape, maybe––just maybe––it happens for you in front of eight million of your fellow Americans (mostly women) who tune into The Bachelor franchise on Monday nights.

Why, oh why, do we watch what’s obviously a contrived and cheesily-orchestrated reality show? For the same reason we read romance novels––we yearn for happily ever after. We believe in true love, and we think the world would be a better place if everyone had their special someone. (Admittedly, to see some sexy bachelors, too.) And we watch because we might just learn a thing or two about the dating game.

When I created Hayley March, the matchmaker heroine of Bring Your Heart in the Golden Falls Fire series, where the Alaska winters are cold but the firefighter heroes are hot, hot, hot, I was able to draw on some lessons––seven of them, to be precise––learned in my many seasons of watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Here they are, in no particular order:

 

#1 – First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be … but sometimes they are.

 

 

For example, Nick Viall gave his first impression rose to Rachel Lindsay but then sent her home and ended up engaged to (and since dis-engaged from) Vanessa Grimaldi. Rachel went on to be The Bachelorette and gave her first impression rose to none other than Bryan Abasolo, who went on to “win” the season and Rachel’s love.

Like millions of women who watched Rachel’s season, I was Team Peter all the way and thought Bryan was simply auditioning to be the first non-crazy Latino bachelor, but Rachel’s first instinct turned out to be correct. She’s still with Bryan, planning to marry him in 2019, and reports there will be no roses at the wedding ceremony.

 

Becca Kufrin, our most recent bachelorette, gave her first impression rose to Garrett Yrigoyen, to whom she is now engaged. He drove up to the mansion the first night in a minivan, complete with a car seat, diaper bag, and soccer ball, a move designed to show her that he was serious about finding love and wanting a family.

He got her laughing with his entrance, but he also told her that while he may not really want to drive a minivan once he’s married, he hopes to be a great dad and an awesome husband. 

Both Bryan and Garrett are men who KNOW how to make a first impression.

 

#2 – Love is all about timing.

 A connection won’t go anywhere if both parties aren’t really ready for a relationship or ready for love.

Sometimes it’s 50% the right person and 50% being ready yourself, something the smitten Tia Booth and the less-smitten Colton Underwood learned the hard way on Bachelor in Paradise.  

We already know that Colton is a little S-L-O-W when it comes to experiencing love (and sex), but hopefully, he’ll be ready in time for his turn on the next season of The Bachelor!

#3 – Being obsessed with finding love (or fame) can make you a little crazy. A little aggressive. A little “not your best self.”

Yes, Kelsey Poe, I’m talking about you. Krystal Nielson and Chris Randone, you, too! This truism feels a little mean because I’ve heard the producers try to make the contestants act crazy, but it does seem that every season, people literally get competitive about capturing the heart of the bachelor and bachelorette. Like winning is more important than love. And then we see their ugly sides. Since I hadn’t heard anything about Kelsey in a long time, I did a little Inst-stalking and was happy to see that Kelsey seems to be in a great place now, living life to the fullest in Paris.

And how awesome was it that Krystal completely earned her redemption on Bachelor in Paradise Season 5? She did so by being almost 100% the opposite of who she was on Arie Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor.

Hopefully, Krystal will get her happily-ever-after with Chris Randone, another person who wasn’t his best self while competing for Becca’s affection.

Watching these two former “villains” peel away their layers and in the process find love was one of my favorite parts about the recently ended season of Bachelor in Paradise. Good luck to Krystal and Chris!

#4 – “Wife material” really is a thing. 

The term “wife material” feels icky and somehow sexist, and I wouldn’t use it except I think there’s such a thing as “husband material,” too. Both men and women want to build a life with someone they not only have fun with and are attracted to but someone who’s got their back. It’s easy to put on a good front early in a relationship, but a smart man should be asking, Does this woman have my back? Does she share my values and want the same things from life? Is she kind?

It was clear Nick had fun with the wild and playful Corrine Olympios, but it was equally clear he’d never propose to the good-time girl.

And while sooooooo many of The Bachelorette male contestants aren’t what I would consider “husband material,” I’m going to point out the man who exemplifies the one thing I really hate in certain romance novels––when alpha and asshole are mistaken for the same thing. Drum roll, please, for Chad Johnson, the handsome asshole. He’s a testosterone-laden, small-dog-loving villain who women should run, not walk, away from.

Yes, Chad could grace the cover of any romance novel, and sales would probably skyrocket, but beneath the swoon-worthy exterior, he’s the kind of guy who would take great pleasure in breaking your spirit and ruining your life. Repeat after me ladies––ALPHA does not mean ASSHOLE.

#5 – If you’re in it for the wrong reasons, you’ll get busted eventually. 

 

I regularly feel that some contestants each season are only there to audition for their own turn as The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or just to continue the fun on Bachelor in Paradise with their newfound franchise friends.

Some want to earn a living promoting products on Instagram, while others hope to hit it big in the music industry. Others enjoy the all-expenses-paid travel. But it does seem that the bottom line these days is all about building a brand.

Yes, Jenna Cooper, I’m talking to you!

P.S. Jordan Kimball for Bachelor!

#6 – Not eating on a date is stupid.  

We all know that delicious food is one of life’s most wonderful pleasures, and sharing a good meal with the one you love is a favorite date. You can bond over it. Share gratitude. Feed each other.

But if you’re on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, you just can’t eat it.

Week after week, viewers are treated to the sight of delicious-looking food. I can hardly pay attention anymore to the so-called “dinner” dates on the show because all I do is mourn the beautiful plates of food that are not being eaten.

I do understand there are probably perfectly acceptable reasons for not showing the contestants eat, but how cute would it be to see them feed each other dessert? Not to mention, some people might find certain eating habits to be dealbreakers, and inquiring minds want to know who chews with their mouth open and who clinks their teeth against their fork. 

P.S. JoJo, you KNOW that food is more scrumptious than Robby!

#7 – It’s quite possible there’s more than one right person for each of us.  

Over the last few seasons, we’ve seen a recurring theme of the bachelor or bachelorette falling in love with two people. It happened with the currently-single Ben Higgins who fell in love with both Lauren Bushnell and JoJo Fletcher. It happened with Arie Luyendyk, who fell for both Becca Kufrin and Lauren Burnham. It even happened to the scorned Becca Kufrin after she’d been on the receiving end! She fell hard for both Garrett Yrigoyen and Blake Horstmann.
In real life, we’re usually not in a situation where we have multiple love interest vying for our affection, and so we’re not usually in love with more than one person at a time, thank goodness! I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be. Although it’s easy to forget, these contestants are real people with real feelings and real hearts that break just like ours.
Here’s to all of them finding their person!